ILUHDATSHIT

As I do my daily cafe coffee time, I was talking to a good friend of mine, Erick. He was bragging about how he loves his iPad. He said that he feels like Tom Cruise in Minority Report. I attempted to correct him by saying it was Matt Damon, turns out i was thinking of Bourne Identity. Before he signed out to do his daily grind, he said that Tom Cruise shits on Matt Damon. So I figured that I should write about this, and do a comparison.

Tom Cruise.

Well, where is one to start? Perhaps with his amazing blockbusters. Top Gun (1986), Jerry Maguire (1996), and Mission Impossible (1996) just to name a few. With 3 Academy awards, and 3 Golden Globes, he is an amazing actor. I mean AMAZING. To be able to act like you are really in love with Katie Holmes, just astonishing. Anyways, with his reputable background in action/drama films, he does have somewhat of a comedic side. With his notorious role in Tropic Thunder as Les Grossman, the talent agent.

In his early career, he and Mimi Rogers got married, but divorced 3 years later. That same year he married the actress, Nicole Kidman and they have 2 adopted children. In 2005, he then met and married Katie Holmes. They had a child Suri who is a child of Scientology. Speaking of Scientology, Tom is a huge advocate of the religion and strongly believes that his belief helped cure his so called “dyslexia”. There is one con, the guy can’t fucking read. Atleast this way I can bash the fuck out of him and know that he will never read this.

Tom Cruise is a great actor, and an overall great person (not that i’ve ever met him) but there is something about him that makes me HATE HIM. I really don’t know why. I mean I will always appreciate all of his movies and his great acting skills, but for some reason, there is this deep down hate for the guy. Maybe its because he is so successful and old. The man was born in ’62 and still looks like he is 30.

Now lets get down to his physical attributes. He is a VERY short man. I mean, so small he has to shop at baby gap, and Kids ‘r’ us. He is a little man, but that doesn’t deem him unworthy of the protagonist role, jumping over burning cars, shooting down enemies, and defusing bombs. He is a very athletic badass, who would chug beers before his football games in high school. As you can see in his Les Grossman persona, he is buff as shit. With forearms like those, you can crush the faces of babies in a matter of seconds! Les Grossman the baby crusher.

Matt Damon.

First off let me clear all of this semen that just came out of my penis. Im not gay, but if I was I would do everything to have Matt Damon sit on my face. He is just so fucking handsome. I mean, LOOK AT HIM.

Lets start with his blockbusters. Goodwill Hunting(1997), The Departed(2007), The Bourne Identity (2002), and Oceans Eleven(2001). Although he has no where as much awards as Tom Cruise does, he is still an amazing actor. His roles in every film has just added to his superior ability to amaze his viewers. In Oceans Eleven, he played the somewhat dorky, nerd who was never going to be anything else. In Bourne Identity, he plays a badass who needs to recover his memory  from his amnesia by merkin niggas in the face. And in  The Departed, he plays a double agent whose need to succeed and prove people wrong gets the best of him. And like Tom Cruise, he has a comedic side, not as crazy, but its there. His small role in Eurotrip and his plentiful interviews on youtube prove that he does have a great sense of humor.

This guy went to Harvard, but sadly did not graduate. He dropped out to follow his dream in acting, and well, we can all see how that went. He is now one of the greatest actors of all time according to iluhdatshit.com movie critics.

Three kids? DAMON HAS THREE KIDS? AND THEY LIVE IN MANHATTAN? I need to be his baby sitter so I can get one step closer to him sitting on my face. Wait… This handsome young man is married to Luciana Bozán Barroso, who is a nobody. None the less, she is one lucky woman.

Now to that hot bod. His shortness puts him on the same boat as Tom, BUT, he is buff as shit. With his daily workout consisting of military training techniques, he keeps himself in tip top condition. If there were to be a celebrity boxing match between Damon and Cruise, Damon would knock his ass out and put him back in the wheelchair which he came from.

OK OK OK decision time, Its not up to me because I am completely biased. Damon wins hands down. So its up to you, the readers to pick who is the greater of the two.  I leave this to you. Hopefully the three people that read this know who to choose.

This entry was posted on November 24, 2010 at 3:57 pm and is filed under Uncategorized . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.